||[Nov. 11th, 2006|07:26 pm]
Taken to a Place they have never been.
I had lost count of the days, the days since the plane crashed and my life changed. It wasn't as if I was doing anything vital with my life anyway, but when a plane splits into a couple pieces and crash lands into the ocean it kind of puts a damper on the rest of your life's plans. |
Mind you it isn't like I was a famous surgeon or whatever, but I still know stuff. Had it not been for me they wouldn't have ever figured out what was being said on that transmission, so why is it that everyone looks at me like I am a loser? Ok not everyone; there is one person on this island who doesn't, Sayid. He seems to have made it his mission to make me believe in myself, but when he finds out the things that I did, what I did even to him, he will leave me too so, I don't get too attached. Ok so maybe it's, I try not to get too attached.
Now that I have the time, when I look back over the last…how ever many days we have been on this island, the things that I have done, until Boone was murdered I only did them to spite him. I know that he felt that he always had to save me, but he couldn't. No one can, not even the stubborn Sayid. Maybe that's yet another reason why I keep pushing him away.
It doesn't matter though, none of that matters anymore. What matters is that this damn island is going to be the thing that finally killed me.
It was supposed to be a nice night, one where I could at least relax and then the kid had to appear. I know I saw him, everyone thinks I am insane and seeing things, but I saw him, soaking wet, water pouring off of him, and speaking…well I don't know what he was saying. The thing is, the kid was supposed to be on the boat, with Sawyer, Michael, and Jin. So why is he appearing here in front of me?
Part of me believed I was going insane, but couldn't admit it. I can still hear myself begging Sayid to believe me, he told me that he believed me, but I don't know. The last time I trusted a man for anything more than a means to survive was when…well when I was married and we see how well that worked out.
I have a feeling that none of this matters anyway, it is almost as if I can feel myself dying and this time even Sayid can't save me. I wish he could, I want him to be the one man who proves me wrong, but I won't ever admit that to him.
Maybe if I do survive this he can tell me what happened. All I remember is it was raining, and Walt appeared said something, but not sure what, then I was chasing him. I know I ran past some people, not sure who, but when I passed them is when I felt the pain. A sharp pain in my back and then it all went black.
Maybe this is my punishment for all the things I have done my whole life. Not only do I find a man who can tolerate me, but I don't get to spend enough time with him to see if he really would stay. This was my punishment, to survive a plane crash only to die who knows how many days later.